


Discovery

by SkyFireForever



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Aromantic, Asexual Character, Canon Asexual Character, Coming Out, F/F, F/M, He/Him Pronouns For Nonbinary Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Internalized Acephobia, Internalized Homophobia, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Multi, Queerplatonic Relationships, Self-Discovery, Trans Character, Trans Georgie Barker, Trans Martin Blackwood, Trans Sasha James, Trans Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 18:53:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29494617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkyFireForever/pseuds/SkyFireForever
Summary: Several stories of self-discovery.
Relationships: Georgie Barker/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Sasha James & Tim Stoker, Sasha James/Tim Stoker
Comments: 1
Kudos: 16





	Discovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sasha James is an aromantic bisexual trans woman. Much thanks to several people in the Mechanisms discord server for helping me with the aromantic aspects of Sasha's identity!

Sasha couldn’t put a finger on the one moment in which she realized she was different. There was no sudden burst of realization or eureka moment. It was just a slow understanding that she reached in her teenage years. 

She did remember crying when she wasn’t allowed to play a girl in the school play in first grade, not understanding what her being a boy had to do with it. But that had less to do with some innate desire to be a girl and more to do with the fact that she had lost the role to Emily Whinchester, who was her arch enemy. Sasha honestly didn’t even remember what had caused the two of them to be enemies in the first place. 

She wasn’t even a particularly feminine child. She loved playing outside, getting absolutely filthy, and doing all sorts of gross things stereotypical of little boys. No one suspected a thing. 

Okay, that wasn’t exactly true. Some people claimed that she would grow up queer because her parents allowed her to play with Barbies and baby dolls, but she mostly ignored those in favor of trucks and trains. 

It wasn’t until she was older that she mellowed out and actually found herself interested in more feminine things. When she was thirteen, she allowed her best friend to paint her nails as a joke. When she was fifteen, she found herself drawn to dresses and skirts. 

Her parents allowed her to experiment with her gender presentation, never batting an eye when she decided to buy a skirt while shopping one day. One thing that Sasha was always grateful for was her accepting parents. She wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world. 

When she was seventeen, she came out as a trans woman. She’d been thinking about it for quite some time before accepting that that was who she was. She was met with some backlash at school, but the bullying didn’t define her. 

She was happy with who she was, presenting as more butch for the first few years of her transition before growing to love more feminine attire as she grew older. She would always appreciate a good suit. 

It wasn’t as though her coming out as trans was what started the bullying anyway. She’d already been The Queer One™ since freshman year, when she came out as bisexual.

She always knew that girls were pretty and it didn’t take her long at all to discover that boys were attractive as well. It was something that she just took as a fact from a young age. She didn’t even think it was abnormal to consider multiple genders to be attractive. Not until talking about crushes in third grade. 

But there was another thing about her that was undeniably queer. Something that she was less ready to accept about herself. Because when everyone else talked about their crushes, there was something different about the way she felt. 

Sure, people were  _ attractive _ , but when people talked about the swooping rush to their stomach, the giddy feeling they got when they were around the person they had a crush on, that just wasn’t there for Sasha. She thought it was just because she hadn’t met the right person, but as the years went on, no one ignited that spark within her. 

She dated anyway once in high school. She spent a lot of time with people she cared about, held hands, kissed, slept with them. It was... fine, but there was none of that chemistry that people talked about. She loved spending time with them and she considered many of the people she dated to be good friends, but the idea of calling it romantic made her stomach twist into knots. 

There were many things that upset her for no good reason when it came to romantic relationships that she was in. The pet names, the romantic gestures, the gift giving. The anticipation of such things filled her with dread. She couldn’t even explain why. Not until discovering the term “aromantic” on an LGBTQ+ internet group. 

It wasn’t until she did some research and explored the idea of being aromantic on her own that it really set in. She wasn’t going to feel that spark, that chemistry. She was never going to fall in love. She would never really understand what falling in love even meant. 

At first, the idea of never falling in love terrified her. After all, what was a world without love? Every piece of media she ever consumed seemed to revolve around true love saving the day, making life worth living. Without that was her life destined to be empty and cold? Was she a bad person? Heartless? 

But that was a stupid thought. She’d lived her life up to that point without experiencing romantic attraction and she’d been fine. Better than fine, actually. She’d made amazing friends, was at the top of her class, had an active social life, and had parents who supported her through thick and thin. She felt love. Just… differently.

Still, it took a long time for her to come out. With her bisexuality and transness, it seemed simple, but this was different. She couldn’t exactly put into words why, but it  _ was.  _ She was in college the first time she told someone the truth about her romantic orientation. 

She was laughing with her best friend at the time, the two of them lounging on the couch and watching some comedy. She looked over at her and realized how  _ happy  _ she was with her. She realized that nothing could make this better. That she loved her. Loved her fiercely and with all she had. It didn’t matter that it wasn’t romantic. It was still  _ love.  _

Sasha couldn’t stop the grin from spreading across her face. “I love you,” she blurted out. “You’re my best friend and I love you.”

Her friend looked at her and smiled, her eyes twinkling with mirth. “I love you too, Sash,” she said. 

“Not romantically. It’s never gonna be romantic. I’m aromantic.” The words escaped her without her putting too much thought into them. 

“Oh.” Her friend sounded surprised. “Okay.” 

“Still love you, though.” 

“Yeah. Still love you too.” 

And everything was perfect. 

Sasha still wasn’t ready to buy pride flags and scream it to the world, but she was much more comfortable with herself. She stopped dating just to feel normal, started rejecting people who asked her out, starting having casual sex, and it really made a difference. She felt happier, more free, as though there was nothing holding her back. It was wonderful. 

When she met Tim, she thought he was nice and would make a good friend. The two of them became close after working together and even hooked up. She hadn’t made a big deal out of it and neither had he. Not until after the fact, when he began playfully flirting with her. 

She tried to brush it off as a joke, still rejecting him in a joking manner. She didn’t want to hurt his feelings and at this point, he was her best friend. Part of her clung to the hope that he was just joking, the possibility that he didn’t have a crush. She didn’t want to lose him just because she didn’t feel the same way. 

Finally came the day that she was dreading, the day Tim admitted to being serious about his feelings for her. He had just come right out and said it. That he loved her. 

Sasha could feel her heart hammering inside of her chest, feeling like a deer in the headlights, just waiting to be crushed. 

“Tim…” She took a breath. “That’s sweet and all, but I don’t feel the same.” 

She hated the way his face fell, the way he immediately couldn’t meet her gaze. 

“Oh,” he said, his voice small. Then he forced that smile that Sasha hated to see on him. “Yeah. Yeah, that’s alright.” 

She cupped his face, forcing him to hold her gaze. “Tim, I love you. I do. You’re my best friend and I don’t want that to  _ ever  _ change,” she told him genuinely. “You’re one of the most important people in the world to me.” She swallowed. “And yes. I would love to have sex with you again and to hold hands with you and spend my life with you. Hell, I even enjoy kissing you, but there’s no romantic feelings there.” She closed her eyes and steadied herself. “I’m aromantic.” 

There was a moment of silence. 

“Oh.” Tim cupped her face. “Sash, that’s okay. I love you. You’re my best friend and I don’t want to lose you either.” He pulled her in for a hug. “You’re never going to lose me,” he promised. “Sure, getting over my romantic feelings is going to suck for a while, but that’s not your responsibility. I’m just happy to be in your life.” 

Sasha opened her eyes, searching for answers in Tim’s. If he wasn’t being genuine, he was doing a damn good job at hiding it. She smiled. 

“Thank you, Tim.” 

“No need to thank me.” He kissed her forehead. “I love you.” 

“I love you too.” 

And she did. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note than I am alloromantic and a trans man, so I can not fully understand the experiences of an aromantic trans woman. If I messed up in any way or said anything offensive please let me know so I can correct it. Otherwise, let me know what you think!


End file.
